I know so many of you couldn’t care less but here’s the thing..
It’s been exactly a year since my entire world started to fall apart. Lost a job I liked so much due to unfortunate reasons. Lost a dog that I loved like a true friend to cancer. Lost so many friends I lost count. Lost all kinds of stability in my life.
Marriage hasn’t been at its best. Family relationships are breaking apart faster than I would handle. I have been threatened, looked down upon, broken, broke, and struggling to get whatever part of my life back on track.
I failed.. in all.. literally! Whatever I tried to do I failed. 32 years without failures, this year I had the most failures I’ve ever had in my life.
I barely know myself. Thought of quitting it all, changing paths, changing religions, even ending my life. I lost hope, lost faith, lost my credibility and my dignity at times. I’ve become too aggressive, lost my grip on reality, and I started running away from people!
Believe me.. this is not an exaggeration.. this is exactly what has been happening!
Nothing worked.. absolutely nothing no matter how hard I tried.. It gets worse! And to top it all, my nationality isn’t helping me in any way possible.
So I sat down today, completely shattered by what some of my decisions aligned with bad fate did to me.
Decided to walk away..
I took a walk outside without any intentions of returning anywhere. And I meet this little kid. She’s as beautiful as my eyes can see. Sitting in the streets all alone playing with some stones bumping them together.
I sat next to her on the pavement and we talked. Half an hour straight. She’s 10 years old, her mother is dead, her father lost both his legs, she has one older brother working in a pastry nearby, she goes to the close by mini market and buys bubble gum and sells them in the streets. Both herself and her brother make $250 a month. That’s all good nothing special!
But you know what’s special? Her smile.. through everything, a 10 year old kid deprived of her childhood, smiles and laughs and tells me jokes despite all the misery she is surrounded by. She’s pure and innocent, yet she’s much stronger than me to maintain a better mindset and be able to smile and move on and be hopeful through it all!
That’s not all! She wants to be a vet.. you know why? Because she actually has canine and feline friends that she feeds by the end of her day. Can you imagine that?!
Then it hit me! What am I doing?!
Yes life is not fair at times, but it’s been more than fair so many more times. I have my family around me, a beautiful wife that loves me and carrying my child, friends come and go but some remain constant, money shouldn’t affect my motivation and goals. I still have so much to be thankful for. If this beautiful kid could do It, why can’t I? Why can’t you?
Unfortunately the world has become so shallow and materialistic to an unrealistic extent. And that’s a fact we should all live with and understand, but we should never be like it. No one cares about anyone, truly and sincerely by all means. No one! And no matter what the world has become, it shouldn’t let me stop myself from always fighting to be better than myself, the self that keeps integrating itself into the world’s misery.
So I decided to get my shit together, set my priorities, work on my temperament, count to 10 before making any decision, and most importantly return to myself. Fight through it all, never give up, the world is a beautiful place, it’s all a matter of how you choose to see it and interpret it.
Get all this darkness out of me and start absorbing the light I once was filled with. And that’s what I’m going to do. All because of what?! A smile from a truly broken little kid – except that she’s broken from the outside, but from the inside she’s whole.
If you made it this far in reading, thank you! From the bottom of my heart thank you for caring and for your interest.
Depression is the worst thing anyone can ever feel, but I strongly believe that you and only you can get yourself out of it. No one and nothing else can do anything about it. The same way I won’t let it take over me.
Had to share my thoughts it’s been a while since I’ve been bluntly personal and honest publicly and that’s a relief by itself.
God bless you all.